Don't Tell Mom There's An Elf in the Closet.
by The Potions Mistress
Summary: Vivienne leads a normal life: captain of the cheerleading squad, soooo beautiful, soooo disgustingly vain. Why, oh why, did HE have to come to HER house? Rating for language.
1. Vivienne

Disclaimer: All belongs to Tolkein. Well, not Vivienne, but who would want her?  
  
Hola mai chickadees!  
  
It's a twist on the LOTR-character-comes-to-our-world shebang. Just read and you'll see. PG-13 for language (and extreme meanness)  
  
Enjoy!  
  
DON'T TELL MOM THERE'S AN ELF IN THE CLOSET  
  
"Look at me,  
  
you may think you see who I really am,  
  
but you'll never know me…"  
  
Ch-1 Vivienne  
  
The bell rang and she strolled in late. But whatever. It didn't matter. She was Vivienne LeFay, and the school ran in circles around her.  
  
She meandered casually past Mrs. Iverson who smiled weakly at her. What a pushover. The teacher was practically scared to look her in the eye. Grinning at the class, Vivienne dropped her bag on the ground and sat gingerly in her back row seat.  
  
"Now that Miss LeFay has decided to join us, we can continue with our study of 'The Scarlet Letter'," Mrs. Iverson said softly and drew her pink cardigan around her shoulders. "Please turn to page 165."  
  
There was a great commotion as books dropped on desks and pages fluttered to the desired spot. Vivienne put her head down on her desk. 7th hour naptime was bliss.  
  
She had barely entered REM when someone tapped her on the shoulder. Raising her head and squinting in the sudden light, she found Craig Anderson hovering over her. "She's done for the day," he said and pointed to Mrs. Iverson who was calmly typing at her computer.  
  
"Good," said Vivienne groggily. "Damn bitch was disturbing my nap." The three kids around her burst into hysterical laughter and Craig sat down in his seat in front of her.  
  
"So what's up Vivienne?" asked Pam, the girl who sat next to her.  
  
Vivienne sighed. "Oh not much, not much… Hey, is my makeup smudged?"  
  
Pam pursed her lips and stared at Vivienne's face. "Yeah, kinda."  
  
"Ohmaigod, give me your mirror now!"  
  
Pam pulled a small black compact out of her bag and handed it to Vivienne. Pushing the tiny clasp, the compact popped open and Vivienne stared at her green eyes. Her eyelashes had fallen a bit and she angrily pushed them up with her finger. She blinked and studied her eyebrows. They would have to be tweezed that night. Closing the compact, she tossed it back at Pam.  
  
"Has Tony asked you out yet?" chirped Britney, who sat behind Pam.  
  
"No…" replied Vivienne slowly, "but I'm still riding in his Corvette so who cares?"  
  
The three girls giggled and Britney brushed her bangs out of her eyes. "Tony's so hot," she murmured. "You're so lucky."  
  
"That's what everyone says," sighed Vivienne. She, Pam, and Britney had met each other freshman on the cheerleading squad and had been best friends ever since.  
  
"I'm so bored," Pam whined.  
  
"So reapply your make up or something," said Britney.  
  
"I just did that at the beginning of class."  
  
Britney stared at her blankly. "And… your point?"  
  
"I know what we can do." A smile curled on Vivienne's face. "Let's talk to Andrea."  
  
The other two grinned wickedly and they leapt from their seats. Andrea Greenwood sat in the back corner of the room and always had her nose in a book. The three girls crept on her like jakals. "Oh Andrea…," crooned Vivienne sweetly.  
  
Andrea raised her head, then flinched and slammed the book she was reading shut.  
  
"Whatcha reading, Andrea?" asked Pam, sliding down in the empty seat in front of her and putting her elbows on her desk.  
  
"Oh, n… 'nuthin." Andrea tried to shove her book in her backpack but Vivienne grabbed it and held it up triumphantly.  
  
"Ooh… 'The Fellowship of the Ring'," Vivienne read off the cover. "How… exciting."  
  
Pam and Britney howled with laughter and Andrea's cheeks turned red.  
  
"Ooh, ooh guys are you ready?" Vivienne put on a huge faux smile as she flipped through the book. "Are you ready for some random lines from 'The Fellowship of the Ring'?"  
  
Andrea nervously pushed her glasses up her nose.  
  
Vivienne cleared her throat and spoke with the most mock-serious voice she could muster without laughing. " 'The face of Elrond was ageless, neither old nor young, though in it was written the memory of many things both glad and sorrowful. His hair was dark as the shadows of twilight, and upon it sat a circlet of silver; his eyes were grey as a clear evening, and in them was a light like the light of stars. Venerable, he seemed, as a king crowned with many winters, and yet as hale as a tried warrior in the fullness of his strength. He was Lord of Rivendell and mighty among both Elves and Men'." Vivienne closed the book and smirked. "Well he sounds like a dork."  
  
"He's not a dork," Andrea said firmly. "He's one of the best characters in the whole book."  
  
"Awww," cooed Vivienne, "do you have a crush on him?"  
  
"Oh yeah, Viv, he's her type," said Pam. "Fictional."  
  
The three shrieked like banshees and Andrea wiped something silver from her eye.  
  
Vivienne glanced at the cover of the book, which showed a young man (at least it looked like a man) staring at a sword. "Who's this loser?" She questioned. "Nice mullet he's got there. I'll bet you like him too." Vivienne bent down to Andrea's face until she was 2 inches from her. "You do realize," said Vivienne softly, "that you are a colossal dork for reading this. Only losers could get through crap like this. No wonder you have no friends."  
  
Just then the bell rang. Vivienne tossed the book in the air and it landed pages-downward on the floor. She sauntered out of the classroom with Pam and Britney on her heels.  
  
"She's so easy to make fun of," said Britney.  
  
"Tell me about it," Vivienne replied with a smirk.  
  
The hallways swarmed with kids, most of who parted for Vivienne. Just another one of the many benefits of being beautiful. Vivienne jumped down the stairs 2 at a time and ran through the doors into the parking lot.  
  
A red Corvette sat right outside surrounded by a group of kids. Vivienne pushed her way through and tossed her backpack in the back seat.  
  
"Hey what's up?" Tony smiled, revealing two perfect rows of white teeth. Vivienne hopped into the passenger seat and buckled her belt.  
  
"All right, people, move out," Tony waved his hand and the kids scattered.  
  
"Bye Viv!" called Pam from the sidewalk.  
  
Vivienne turned her head and waved as Tony's arm slipped around her shoulders. She faced him and could see his blue eyes smoldering over his mirrored sunglasses. "You ready?" he questioned.  
  
Vivienne nodded and the car lurched slightly. Then without warning she was thrown back against the seat as the car roared from the parking lot. Tony turned right immediately and the sunlight glinted off of his wavy blonde hair. He drove the car with one hand on the steering wheel and one on her shoulder.  
  
"So how was Iverson's class?" he called over the rush of the wind.  
  
"Great nap as usual," Vivienne replied.  
  
Tony laughed. "You know she's scared to fail you."  
  
"Totally." Vivienne smiled.  
  
"You going to the party?"  
  
"Who, Brad's?"  
  
"Yeah, this weekend. You going?"  
  
She smirked. "Well… are you going?"  
  
"Wouldn't miss it."  
  
"All right then," she answered, "I'll see you there."  
  
"No way, girl, I'll pick you up." The car slowed to a stop in front of her house. "9 'o clock sound ok?"  
  
Tony smiled again and Vivienne felt her insides turn to mush. "Cool. See you tomorrow, girl." He drew her to his chest and the sweet smell of his cologne made her head spin.  
  
"Woah," he said suddenly. He was looking up at Vivienne's house.  
  
"What?" she replied.  
  
"Your mom home?" Tony said.  
  
"Don't think so." Vivienne's mom worked at a law firm until 6 and was never sick.  
  
"Just thought I saw something move in your room." He blinked and squinted at the window. "Ah, whatever, it was probably just a bird flying past or something. See ya."  
  
Vivienne grabbed her backpack, pushed the car door open, and trotted up her front lane. Tony's car screamed as he sped down the street. Retrieving her key from her backpack, she unlocked the front door and stepped inside. Tony had almost kissed her. But then the moment was ruined. She growled in frustration as she stomped through the hallway. When was he going to hook up with her? Wasn't it the girl who was supposed to be reluctant about this? She sighed as she pounded up the stairs. She had math homework but didn't even want to look at it for at least 2 hours. TV sounded like a good idea.  
  
She pushed the door to her room open and would have thrown her bag on the bed if there wasn't already a man sitting on it. Vivienne screamed and ran out of the room.  
  
That's it for now kiddies. Can you guess who our visitor is? Anyone who either knows me well enough, read the title, or caught my earlier foreshadowing should be able to. Hope you like it so far! 


	2. What to do with you.

Disclaimer: Same as on front  
  
Hello all, back for chapter 2, and guess what? Everyone guessed correctly! What a smart bunch of readers I have! Oh, and yeah, Viv is really bitchy. I've never had a bitch as my main character before and I gotta tell ya: it's kind of fun. LoL Hope you enjoy it.  
  
  
  
"Every day,  
  
it's as if I play a part…"  
  
Ch- 2 What to do with you.  
  
The man stood the moment he saw her. "Get away from me!" she screeched. She slowly backed up until her body hit the wall.  
  
"Calm down, 'm lady, I won't hurt you."  
  
Vivienne wrinkled her nose. 'M Lady? It was then that she noticed what her intruder was wearing: flowing red velvet robes, with his long brown hair was crowned with a silver ring. Vivienne's heartbeat quickened. Not only was he a psycho, he was a cross-dressing psycho.  
  
"Don't touch me, you cross-dressing freak! I'm calling the cops." Vivienne inched along the wall, her had reaching frantically for the phone on the end table.  
  
The man looked down at his clothing, then stared in confusion at Vivienne. "Cross… dressing…?" he said slowly. "I've heard of cross bows, but never this 'cross-dressing' of which you speak."  
  
Vivienne stopped dead on the wall. What was up with this guy? Either he was a really good actor or…  
  
"You know," she explained, "cross-dressing. When a man wears women's clothing."  
  
The man suddenly stamped his indignantly. "I beg your pardon?" he cried, "These are the finest crafted robes in Rivendell." He opened then to reveal a long gray tunic over gray leggings which ended in brown leather boots.  
  
Vivienne's muscles relaxed. If the man wanted to rape her, he probably would have done so by now. Plus, she could see that he was unarmed. "Where in hell is Rivendell?"  
  
"Rivendell is not in 'hell'." He said the word hell as though he'd never heard it before. "If you're coming from the east, it's a few days' march past the Caradhras and through Hollin…" The man's voice trailed off, most likely because of the strange, horrified look on Vivienne's face. "You've never heard of any of these places, have you?"  
  
Vivienne slowly shook her head.  
  
"Ah! I knew it!" cried the man. "I must really be in some other realm."  
  
Vivienne blinked in disbelief. Was this guy for real? Was she really supposed to believe that he came from some "other realm"? She took a deep breath. "Who are you and what are you doing in my house?"  
  
The man's face broke into a smile. "I've been waiting for you to ask that. My name is Elrond Halfelven, now what might yours be?"  
  
"Vivienne LeFay," she responded.  
  
"Very pretty, yet strange sounding." He walked slowly toward her. She shrunk back against the wall, but Elrond merely held out his hand. She took it, and he lifted her hand to his lips and kissed it lightly. Vivienne grinned. She could get used to this.  
  
Elrond stepped back and his eyes scanned her face. "You are a human, I see," he said.  
  
"Of course I'm a human. What the fuck kind of question is that?"  
  
He seemed unaffected by her profanity. "I mean, you're not an elf, like me."  
  
"An elf…?"  
  
"Yes, of course." Elrond turned his head and pointed to his ear. Unlike hers, which were rounded on top, his ear ended in an unmistakable point.  
  
Suddenly a dreadful thought dawned on Vivienne. "Oh no," she deadpanned, "you're not from that stupid book that Andrea the dork reads, are you?"  
  
"What stupid book?"  
  
"Oh, it's about… hobbits or something like that, and some ring."  
  
"Ah, so somebody did write the history of Middle Earth!"  
  
"Arrrrg!" Vivienne screamed and threw her hands up. She brushed past Elrond and stormed into her room. "Why did you have to show up at MY house? Why couldn't you have landed in dorky Andrea Greenwood's house, where she can probably speak to you in your native language and shit."  
  
Elrond leaned on the frame of her door. "Well I'm sorry to upset you, but here I am. I was reading a book on the existence of other realms and I fell asleep. When I woke up, I was lying on this bed. I looked around the house and discovered things that we don't have in Middle Earth, so I assumed that I had somehow entered another realm. And then you confirmed my theory." He strolled into the room and stood next to her. "So, are you the owner of this house?"  
  
"No," she said icily, "my parents."  
  
"Oh. Well, I should like to me them." He said.  
  
"NO!" She suddenly cried and gripped his arm as though he were going downstairs that second. "Hell no. You're not going anywhere."  
  
He crossed his arms. "And why not?"  
  
"Do you really think my parents are going to believe that you're from some other realm? Hell, I hardly believe you. If it wasn't for that book and this sinking feeling I have in my stomach… Well anyways, I have an image to keep up and I don't need people to see YOU and associate me with some freak like Andrea."  
  
He smiled slightly. "Are you honored at your school?" He asked.  
  
"I'm the queen." Vivienne replied.  
  
Elrond was tall, and the top of Vivienne's head came only to his shoulder. She looked up at him into a pair of sad gray eyes. "Well," he said softly, "I didn't realize that you were royalty around here. If it means that much to you, I will resist meeting other humans while I'm here."  
  
"Good," she said curtly and pulled the door to her closet open. Elrond looked curiously inside. "Welcome to you home, my Lord." Vivienne pulled a string that hung from the celing and the light clicked on. It was a walk-in closet, but wasn't nearly spacious. Shoes of every color and style covered the floor and her pile of Cosmopolitan magazine had spilled on top of them.  
  
"You have many shoes, Vivienne," he said and stepped inside, careful not to smash any. The top of his head brushed the celing and he ducked under the light bulb.  
  
"Just kick that stuff in a corner. Whatever. But if you ruin ANY of my Prada shoes, your ass is so mine, elf-boy." She squinted and gripped the door. "If you're bored, feel free to read Cosmo. You'll learn everything about the women of this realm. Um…" she tapped her foot impatiently as she remembered what she wanted to say. "Oh yeah. I'll bring you food later, don't you dare come out of this closet. You can open it a crack for air, but if I see it open any more than that, you can forget ever seeing Riverdale again. If you have to pee, hold it. I think you'll survive. Weren't you a warrior or something?"  
  
Elrond had settled himself in the back left corner of the closet. "I was the herald of Gil-Galad during the Last Alliance of Elves and Men." He replied.  
  
"Wow." She deadpanned, "that's really great. Whatever. Just tough it out, ok, while I think of what to do with you." In the distance, Vivienne heard the door slam and the sound of keys tinkling.  
  
"VIVIENNE!" A female voice screamed.  
  
"That's my mom, gotta go." And with that, she slammed the closet door, leaving a shell-shocked Elrond alone to stare at her white pumps and Alyssa Milano on the Cosmo at his feet.  
  
  
  
You get to meet the "mom" of the title in the next chapter. I have yet to decide how obnoxious I'm going to make her. I hope Vivienne's not pissing anyone off. Don't worry, she'll get hers soon enough. 


End file.
